It's Just Love
by KeyQuis
Summary: Complete Himeno's thoughts on the man she really likes. Hayate's thoughts on the princess he's fallen for. What will tie these two hearts together? What is it to love each other?
1. First Thought: A Girl in Love

Disclaimer: I will never own Pretear, whole or part. It all belongs to Kaori Naruse and Junichi Satou.

**KeyQuis: **Just some musing thoughts between HxH. Short little multi-chapt story about love. High probability of containing fluff. A blend of the anime and manga.

!I!I!I!I!I!I!I!I!I!

**--It's Just Love--  
First Thought: A Girl In Love**

(Himeno's POV)

It's another sunny day, but I'm afraid to go outside. I love the warmth of light, but I'm scared of what else is outside. I don't know what to do if I see him.

Hayate. Maybe your promise isn't what I want it to be. I'm scared of knowing what it is. Mother, I know I shouldn't be like this...scared of seeing the truth in his blue eyes.

His eyes...so deep like the sky. Makes my heart flutter thinking about his warm smile. It's so warm...so warm that I'm afraid of losing it...but I feel like I am losing it already. I'm scared.

I want to tell him something. It's so hard though because our relationship is so 'not normal'. I mean, we fight almost 80 of the time we see each other and the other 20, well, it's like I never want the moment to end.

I like him very much. I don't know if I'm in love with him...even if I am, it's just one-sided anyways. One-sided...I'm scared. The fear of me not meaning anything to him is overwhelming. I try hard to not let it consume my heart because I know what it will lead to...my own destruction.

Sasame and Takako told me not to worry when I confessed my fears to them last week. They are so happy together. I can't help, but to feel a little jealous of Takako. I'm happy that she found her happiness, but I'm sad that I can't find mine.

It's not like I can't find mine. I found what I want, but I'm haunted by the fact I can't have it. I want Hayate...so much.

I thought I wasn't needed. That it didn't matter if I existed or not. I was just a mere girl with a black belt in the Sinister House of Martial Arts. Then I became the Pretear, the Protector of Life. So why do I feel so weak?

Why am I crying in the morning? This isn't like me at all. It's all his fault. Why can't he be honest with me?! Why can't he just say the words I want to hear? Why can't he love me?

I should stop this...my tears are making a mess on my face. Mother, even though I'm the Pretear...I'm still just a girl. I can save the world, but I need someone to save me from my own self. I'm destroying myself being like this. I need Hayate. I want him to save me.

There was that time by the beach. He ran towards me. He ran for me. These tears won't stop coming out. I was hurting so much and he came...it must mean something. He told me that even though I'm not the Pretear, I was still me. Can he love someone who's not the Pretear?...Is that why I'm still the Pretear?...For him?...I want him to love me.

I have to stop crying or else someone will notice something's wrong. I know what I'll do! EAT! Yes, food always makes me feel better. Sweets in the morning will make me forget my sadness. And then I'll break some more cement plates in the morning. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll keep my mind off of him. I'll busy myself so I won't even think of him at all. I hope he took the day off today so I won't run into at all. Ack, what am I thinking!? He should just quit because there's no need to be close to the Pretear anymore! There's no disaster waiting to happen!

Wow, I'm so tired. My arms and legs want to fall off and I don't want to move from under this tree. It's shielding me from the bright sun. Hmm, and there's a nice breeze blowing too. It's so relaxing.

No...I'm thinking about him again. He's a man. I'm a girl. Am I a child in his eyes? Is that why he shys away from my affection? Is it because I'm not beautiful or pretty? Then why does he blush?! Why doesn't he just push me away whether I grab onto his arm?! Why doesn't he just say ... 'no'? Why?!

Drat. My eyes are all watery again. Stupid Hayate. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate you for making me feel like you love me.

I need to take a rest under this big tree...the cool shade is very comforting too.

_"We were searching for a Pretear in this vast world and we found you. And it was me, I found you."_

Hayate...I can't possibly mean just a Pretear to you. Your arms were so strong when you pulled me close. How can I forget that moment in the church? You wanted to kiss me back there, am I wrong? You hugged me first, you pulled me closer to you!

Protecting me, that's what you were always doing. From the beginning to the end. You never lowered your shield...even when I asked you too. Didn't it hurt to keep the shield up? Risking your life for mine...was it because I was simply the Pretear?

So many questions...no answers. This isn't fair. I shouldn't be like this. It's not like me to gloom on about matters of my heart! I'm scared...insecure because I don't know anything about all of this! I have to find out the truth, Hayate. Tell me another story if you have to, just tell me what I need to know. That's right. This is what I have to do. I won't idle in my thoughts anymore. I have to be strong, not because I'm the Pretear--because I'm a girl in love.

!I!I!I!I!I!I!I!I!

Author's Notes: This concept came to me for a while already, mostly because of some sketches that all came together into a scene. Love is an irrational matter to me. In other words, it's damn confusing in my eyes because it doesn't make sense. One doesn't know whether it's right or wrong, and others can't give judgement either. I've been told that girls dwell on thoughts of love (as well as guys too) and I'm pretty sure it has the same affect in everyone's lives--Screwing it up! (LOL).


	2. Second Thought: What A Man Wants

Disclaimer: Pretear is property of Kaori Naruse and Junichi Satou.

KeyQuis: It's Hayate's turn now. Let's see what's in his mind. Insight into the male psyche. (I have no clue if he's still in character...only second-guessing this bashful knight).

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

**It's Just Love  
Second Thought: What A Man Wants**

(Hayate's POV)

So how long has it been? I can't it out of my mind, honestly, I can't. It's not everyday that I cry and kiss a girl. God, how long has it been since I kissed her? I don't know if I can live it down if she found out. My cheeks get red whenever I think back to that day...well, that moment to be precise. Arg! Why can't I gather my guts and just tell her! It's not like she's gonna punch me out for kissing her that day...for kissing her while she's asleep. Who am I kidding? Of course she's going to beat the living daylights out of me! Why am I being such a coward!

Himeno Awayuki. The most violent girl any man could meet and the only princess I, as a knight, want to protect. Her fists pack a really strong punch, but I want to hold her hands and touch them. I feel bad for wanting to prét with her every time we meet, just to touch her hand, to have her close to me, to be close to her.

I didn't mean to fall in love with anyone. I didn't want to love anything to be exact. My job as a Leafe Knight is as written: to protect life. Nobody said anything about love and I don't even recall it being important as a part of life. Sure, I knew love existed in the Leafe Knights' history, but I was told it wasn't allowed for. I thought everyone else felt the same way too.

Sasame. I wish I could be more like him, Himeno. That way you'd know these feelings I hide from you. I'm not trying to be a jerk or a coward. This love I harbor for you for what feels like an eternity...I wish I could say it without fear...mostly without being nervous.

I hate it and love it when my heart beats so rapidly with mere thoughts of you. You're so warm...I want you, Himeno. I want to make you always smile. You're the cutest thing to me when you smile. It makes me want to kiss you again. Then I go and say something stupid and make you mad. Hmm, I love it when you get all cute and angry. Your flustered face is so adorable, tulip head. Since when did I daydream at all?

I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I

I keep reasoning with myself as to why I shouldn't tell her, why I shouldn't bother with my heart. I gaze up into the deep sky for the right answer. There is no reason not to tell her anything. Fear and doubts are justified in love, that's what Sasame said. Psh, easy for him to say something like that so casually. That guy has it all made in the love department. Damnit, I'm getting jealous of Sasame!

Himeno. Himeno...do you not want me around? Am I a bother to you? That's not possible, is it? I don't call you tulip head out of spite. I do it because I like you! Because I don't want to tell you the truth! It's easier to call you tulip head than sweetheart. OMG, I want to call you sweetheart! I'm dealing with some serious issues in self-denial here, aren't I? Why did the words cutie pie and honey bunny just pop up in my mind? Alright, it's official--I've lost my sanity to this love crap.

Did I just call love crap? Arg! WTF am I talking about! This thing called love is so stupid. #$&, I did it again. I've got to stop doing this. Sasame said that only fools insult love. Why can't I just embrace this _thing_? I go into battle all high and mighty, but I get shot down by something I can't even see in front of my face. Why can't love be a monster I can beat up?

Why can't I just admit to myself that I want her?

I want Himeno.

And I can't explain why...I just do.

Is this what they call love?

When your heart only treasures one special girl. Day and night passes with countless thoughts of her. When my arms long to wrap themselves around her waist and hold her in endearing manners. My hands want to trace every feature on her face. I want to claim her lips in a unforgettable kisses. Her eyes, I want them to only look at mine. I want to caress her hair, discover for myself its luxurious texture. My fingers want to stroke her skin, explore her body like a lover. I want to kiss all of Himeno. Her neck, her ear, her shoulders, everywhere. I want to feel her soft body beneath mine and hear her say my name when I'm making love to her.

What was that?...I want to do WHAT with her! I can't believe I'm being a pervert! Since when did I lust after Himeno? OMG, this is really getting out of control. If I don't do something, I'm going to go insane!

So this is what they call self-denial. I'm feeling pretty damn pitiful and pathetic at the moment. Geez, I'm getting depressed. Just how long will I keep this going? I want to stay close by her side, but I really can't tell if she enjoys my company as a friend or something more...or just a somebody.

I want to be your happiness. If I could be anything, I chose that.

I want to be what you want.

I'm scared of what my heart wants…

Because I don't want a world without you in it.

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

Author's Notes: It must be very hard being a guy. I'm glad I'm not one XD. It was VERY hard writing this chapt because I went for realism. Asked a guy friend about 'what is with guys? how do they think?' Nice forward answer: guys are ALL perverts. With this helpful hint, I took a different and less innocent approach to Hayate's POV. Heh, this fic was 99.9 percent complete (like 3 months ago...)and I kinda forgot about finishing it off until today...


	3. Third Thought: Hearts of Fear

KeyQuis: I'm tired. I have my technical report to write, my room to clean, my website to fix and ...the list goes on. Laptop was sent in for service and repairs (poor thing wants to die ToT). Happy readings.

_**Bold italic -- Hayate's thoughts  
**Normal italic -- Himeno's thoughts._

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**Third Thought: Hearts of Fear**

Himeno went back to the mansion for lunch. Training and thinking made her more hungry than usual. She asked the chef to prepare a large meal for her, consisting of all her favourites. Spaghetti and steak were the main course and Himeno couldn't remember the mountain of desserts that came afterwards. Deciding to look pretty in case she met him somewhere on the Awayuki property, Himeno showered off and picked a cute looking outfit to wear. It was cute looking in her point of view, but in his view, it could have been plain looking. It was a one-piece dress, with thin shoulder straps, resembling much like the wind Prétear outfit except with a longer skirt that stopped a few inches above her knees. Himeno chose a pair of double-strapped shoes with two-inch heels. The soft blue and white ensemble accentuated her eyes and hair. A blue ribbon choker with a small tulip pendant gave it a finishing touch. She left the mansion and began wandering the vast grounds, hoping to accidentally bump into him. A girl could only hope.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

Hayate changed out of his work clothes. Kaoru had dismissed the young man from work out of concern for him. Hayate seemed out of the normal this morning. To be precise, he was more abnormal than he was in the past few weeks. Whatever that was troubling him finally blossomed out. He came to work late, used a weed killer instead of soil feed for the daffodil garden, tripped over a garden hose and fell flat face onto dirt, walked into and knocked down some of Natsue's masterpieces. This disastrous morning meant one thing to Kaoru-- it had something to do with Himeno. Kaoru gave him the day off to clear up his thoughts and find his resolution to **_the_** problem. He advised his potential future son-in-law to let his heart guide the words from his mouth and not withhold anything, good or bad.

**_"Don't just say the words you want her to hear, Hayate. Those words are the words that you need her to hear. I know you're afraid of rejection, but that's common for everyone. I know that the two of you have a silent romance situation, all the more for you to speak up. My daughter is strong at many things, except when it comes to love. She's probably just as confused as you are and from what you told me about your uneventful love history, she's going to be afraid of loving you. When you walk down an unknown path, it could lead you anywhere. The important part is to walk the path with confidence and belief that you will reach your destination. The moment your feet falter on the path, you stumble and fall to the ground. You'll never reach the end if you keep tripping at every step. Believe in yourself, Hayate. Believe in Himeno. Believe in the both of you."_**

Hayate listened to the words echoing in his mind from the experienced man. Kaoru made a good point about his fear and lack of confidence. A seemingly endless list of questions plagued his mind about the unknown future.

**_What if? No, I can't think like that. There are no what ifs to look at once it's done. I have to get past this obstacle, this battle. I have to fight harder, I have to put all the fear aside. I have to, I need to! I have to believe that there is a future with her by my side. I need to know if that future exists or I'll never move on in life._**

Hayate whispered her name into the wind, hoping that maybe the wind will carry his affection for him. Indeed the winds of fate were leading him to a unknown path, where a maze was up ahead.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

Himeno found herself in a small grove on some part of the property. Her thoughts were occupied elsewhere while her legs absentmindedly moved her feet. The path was grey and the scenery lush with green grass and trees. It was an odd area. Himeno looked at the entrance.

"Interesting...I'm here again." Himeno walked out to the other side of grove and smiled lightly at the sight of the landmark. "The maze."

The labyrinth stood fearfully with its neatly trimmed walls of rose bushes. An endless array of colours displayed themselves against the dark green leaves, luring oncomers with curiousity at the hidden beauty within. Himeno could only wonder how large it really was on the inside. Whatever side she was on seemed to stretch for a couple streets.

_I wandered here once sometime last year, before I became the Pretear. I was looking for mother's gravestone. Dad said it was moved onto the property. I got lost and found this instead. Ever since I was young, I was always afraid of getting pricked by a rose so I didn't go in. Now...now it doesn't matter anymore. There are worst things to feel than the prick of a rose thorn. I'm going in._

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

"I seriously don't have time for this." Hayate cursed under his breath. "What the hell am I doing, honestly?"

The wind knight could not resolve himself to go find her and profess his undying desire for her. Her, the tuliphead -- Himeno. Hayate knew he wanted Himeno in his arms. He just didn't know if it was love stirring him on. He could only blush at his thoughts and feelings for her. They weren't embarrassing, just foreign...too foreign for his own good, but nonetheless an interesting turn of events in his chivalrous life.

"Damnit!" Hayate lashed out at an innocent rose with his bare hands and crushed it in frustration.

The rose pierced his hand with its thorns before it died and Hayate opened his fist to let its petals fall to the ground. He looked at his bleeding palm before retreating it back into his coat pocket. Blood slowly trickled around his fingers before dripping into the crevices of his coat pocket. He ignored the pain and continued through the maze of roses. He had entered the labyrinth out of cowardice; it was something to distract him. It was procrastination and he knew it. He hand crushed more roses, fully knowing that leafe would heal it, during his journey to the centre, to the heart of the maze where the traveler could rest before starting again.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

"Grr..I think I'm lost," Himeno grumbled. Her eyebrows furrowed up as she glared at her dim path. The walls seemed to be caving in on her and they grew in height and shade with each passing step. "And it's cold in here." Himeno sneezed and rubbed her arms. "My feet are killing me. I'm never walking into a maze with heels ever again!"

The next turn around the corner took her breath away. At the heart of the maze was a garden without rivalry. It reminded Himeno of a secret garden she had once read in class. A forgotten place reached by few. It was well tended though by none other than the master butler of the Awayuki household. Himeno smiled at his devotion. Statues of angels guarded and watched the Eden before her eyes. The impressive fountain layout encompassed the centre with intricate flow patterns. Himeno stared in awe at all the red roses standing in front of her. They had been arranged into a 3D heart at the very centre. Himeno walked to the centre to view its glory and magnificence. She had no idea that she was in Natsue's Labyrinth of Love, a maze inspired from one of her father's romance novels.

Hayate stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the centre. This one garden alone surpassed all the beauties in Leafeania. No words could describe his reverence and admiration. Time stopped when his eyes fixed themselves on the pink amidst the red. He didn't know how her name escaped from his mouth.

"Himeno."

Himeno recognized that deep and warm, shy yet arrogant, calm and kind voice from anywhere. Her name came out in heart-melting syllables.

"Hayate."

Their eyes met. Neither moved.

_What's he doing here?  
**What's she doing here?**_

Himeno cast her eyes down and tilted her head to the side, breaking contact with him.

_I...didn't want to see him._

Hayate felt his heart flinch when she turned away. She stood at the centre and he stood at the edge. Her unenergetic atmosphere scared him.

**_She doesn't want me here? Does she want me to leave? Why won't she look at me like she usually does?_**

Himeno heard his approaching footsteps. Each one resonated with the beating of her heart.

_What do I do? What do I say? I want to know, but I'm too scared to ask! I...I.._

Hayate felt light sprays of water droplets on his face as he walked to the closer. Himeno's figure had not moved from her spot. He began to worry.

_**She's not running to grab my arm. Does she hate me? Why isn't she her cheerful self? What is wrong?  
**Why am I unable to move? Is this what they call frozen in fear?_

_**Is she in pain? Is it because of me? Did I hurt her?  
**I don't want to face him! He's just going to call me tuliphead and be an idiot!_

Hayate stood at the foot of the pathway to the rose heart, not daring to approach any closer. It was as if his presence ruined everything. Bitter thoughts raced through Himeno's mind.

_He doesn't love me! It'll be just like Takako! How could I be so stupid to want him to love me? Hayate is always just going to be a nice guy without feelings! I'm an idiot for wanting you! It's useless to love someone who won't love you in return. Me being in love with him is meaningless! Nothing will come out of it._

Himeno's tears pooled up at the bottom of her eyes. Bitter anger and immense sorrow spurred on more tears until they started to spill over.

_**Damnit! She won't face me. I can't do anything just looking at her back. Damnit! What am I suppose to do!**  
I'm going to say it even if it kills me. I can't keep my emotions bottled in!_

Himeno rotated her feet a few steps to meet his face. Her face reflected her heart. The sight of her anger and sorrow stabbed fear into Hayate's soul. It was the same as before, but worse. It was like then, but worse. His eyes filled with pain and his mouth hung open.

"What's the matter? Never seen a girl cry before?" The words came out crisp and strikingly cold.

He found no words to respond with.

"I don't care about anything you have to say anyways, you jerk!" Himeno furiously yelled at him. Her fists were clenched tightly, ready to pummel him until she felt better.

"Himeno, what's wrong!" Hayate desperately grabbed her left arm with his right hand.

Himeno forcefully yanked her arm out of his grasp. "Don't do that!" She hissed out loud then quietly. "Don't do that to me."

_I hate you. I hate it when you care because that's not what I want. I hate you because I love you._

"Damnit tuliphead, what's your problem?" Hayate replied fiercely and this time, grabbed her left wrist and held it with an intense grip. "What's gotten into you?"

Himeno answered his angry voice. She was incredibly pissed off at his overpowering hold on her. "You! It's You! You're my problem!" she screamed at his face. Himeno futilely tried to free her wrists; she tried loosening his grip by pounding his arm with her free hand balled into a tight fist. "Let go of me!"

_**This isn't happening! It hurts. Why does it hurt? Stupid tuliphead making me worry!  
**Stupid baka! He's hurting me. It hurts._

"Let go! It hurts! You're hurting me, jerk!" Himeno tugged her body in the other direction, hoping that he'd let her go.

Silence filled the air between them. The fountain's water continued to flow its course. Hayate looked defeated and sorry when he let go. Himeno was sprawled on the sunlit pavement tending to her sore wrists. She ignored the her bleeding elbow which was scrapped during her fall. Heels really did make her clumsy.

Hayate stood there with guilty eyes watching her. Maybe he shouldn't have grabbed her wrist that tight. He could vaguely recall his actions. Everything seemed like a blur, but he could recall the details on her angry face and her anguished voice. He felt lower than the dirt and germs under his feet. Himeno sat a few feet in front of him, looking like an abused and abandoned puppy. He bit his lips as he watched her let out small sobs. She looked rejected.

"I...hate...you," Himeno muffled quietly. The light purple bruise on her wrist paled in comparison with the blackness in her heart. The physical pain was nothing. "I hate you."

His mind drew a blank at those words. He never expected to hear them from her mouth. Sure he was a jerk and a bully at times, but to the extent of making her hate him? Hayate honestly didn't know how to handle his fear coming true. It felt absolutely horrid and wretched and broken and rejected. For the first time, Hayate truly understood Takako's feelings those many years ago. Love was never fun and games, never foolish and childish, never something he should have handled without taking it seriously. It was no longer just an emotion, but something that had the power to mess up his life worse than a wild thunderstorm to a city. Sparks flew alright, but in totally random directions with unknown voltages. Some stung on impact while others killed upon contact. His skin was tingling from small shocks, while his heart wanted to stop.

_**Why is it that the words I want to say are so hard to speak?  
**Why is it that the words I want to hear will never be spoken?_

_**The most important words are so hard to speak...  
**I just wanted to here those words..._

"I'm sorry." One step forward, no steps back. So far so good.

Himeno willed her eyes to stop tearing. Crying was an ugly sight. Puffy eyes and runny nose was not appealing whatsoever, plus her voice croaked. She didn't want to look any weaker than she already felt.

_I hate you...don't say you're sorry..._

Hayate took more steps forward, braving the unknown future. Even if she hated him, there were still words that he needed her to hear. Maybe she would hate him less afterwards. Hayate took off his long coat and wrapped it around her slightly shivering body. He sat beside her, just like that time at the church.

"I'm sorry, Himeno," Hayate stated flatly, sounding as sorry as he possibly could. "I won't ask you to not hate me. I mean...I guess I deserve it for being...a cold-hearted bastard."

_**I can't believe I just called myself that.  
**Eh! What the hell is this guy trying to pull? Hayate's not making any sense._

Himeno paused her trail of negative thoughts towards him.

"Honestly, I've been such a jerk to you." Hayate took in a deep breath and released his thoughts. "I was so mean to you when you first became the Pretear. I thought you were some prissy rich brat who had a rotten attitude. I didn't care about you. I was so focused on putting the past behind me. Everything was my fault. I hurt Takako, caused my friends' leafe to fade and placed the whole world at risk. I blamed myself and took my anger out on you."

Himeno sat there and listened. There was no one to blame.

_I don't hate you... not now, not ever. I could never hate you. Like Mawata said, people will always hurt each other, but the truth is...we never mean for it to happen. When we hurt, we cause others to hurt. I'm sorry._

"I never meant to cause all that grief and pain to those around me. With Takako, I never had the slightest hint of love for her. It was never there," Hayate spoke softly, pouring out his honesty. "If I had returned her love, what then?"

Silence filled the gap between them once again. Himeno wanted to console Hayate with a hug, but was afraid to touch him. She gave him a look of understanding and forgiveness. Her expression softened from her former cold state of bitterness.

"If you did, you wouldn't be here right now," Himeno began, "Everything would be fine. I ... "

"Wouldn't have ever met you!" Hayate cut her off as he wrapped both arms around her, pulling her into a desperate embrace. "I would have never found you!"

It was warm. He radiated comforting warmth on her. Himeno let her body go limp in his arms and rested her head on her shoulder. The two were picking up where they last left off.

"You don't regret your past?" Himeno asked with a squeak. "You--"

"I did many stupid things in the past, but I can't change any of them. Because I found you, I don't regret what I've done." His voice sounded urgent, needy and tortured.

"Hayate?"

"In this vast world, I found you...I want to stay by your side, Himeno." His voice was gentle and pleading. "Please, I need to know if what I feel for you is love. I know you hate me, but give me a chance to change that."

Himeno smiled into the folds of his dark green shirt. "I don't hate you, Hayate. I don't hate you at all." She slowly returned his hug with her arms.

Talk about a freaking relief of the heart for the both of them.

"Thank you."

"I was in so much pain wondering about us. Every time I looked at you, my heart did jumping jacks. But I kept thinking about what happened with you and Takako. I didn't want the same thing to happen to me."

_**So it was the same for both of us. We were both afraid and uncertain about our feelings for each other.  
**I'm sure we'll be all right. Our hearts are the same._

"You're not healthy for a girl's imagination, Hayate," Himeno joked. "Your kindness and coldness made me wonder whether or not...you were interested in me," she added flatly. "I'd be happy if you stayed by my side...I have to know if my love for you isn't just a silly fairy tale."

Hayate pulled away to look at her face. He wanted her to see his smile and see if she would smile back at him. Himeno was indeed his dearest princess. He chuckled softly and she giggled as they leaned in for a kiss. Not even a sky raining with pop cans could stop the moment.

Could love be described as a maze? One goes in hoping to find the end, not really knowing what's along the way. Some people go around in circles while others find themselves in dead ends. Some mazes will be kind enough and harbor a place of rest for the weary traveler while some will show no mercy with cold steel walls. Regardless of what happens, one must keep walking and never despair because he or she could run into someone also looking for the way out. After all, the journey's always more fun when there's someone by your side.

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Author's Notes: Phew, it's finally finished...the third thought that is, there's one final thought left. This snippet was **DAMN** hard to write and I'm just relieved it's done. I hope readers enjoyed it because it'll be a while before my next update of anything comes up. Some quick notes about the chapt.

Roses--typical flower of love, cliché but it works. Its thorns are considered ugly, but think of them as the minus to the plus. Love has good and bad aspects.

Secret Garden--reference to the novel 'The Secret Garden' by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I read it in elementary school and thought it would be cool to put a beautiful garden at the centre of a maze...like a reward for getting this far.

Himeno's cute outfit--Is it safe to assume that girls dress up and try to look their best when it comes to that special guy?

Hayate's clumsiness--everyone has one of those days when you just can't do anything right.

Blood injuries--Hayate's hand and Himeno's elbow. Not knowing or understanding your own feelings can be often subdued by a physical injury. Kinda like, hurting yourself physically will ease the emotional pain.

Hearts of Fear--the title works nicely. Nothing like the fear of rejection to keep ones feelings silent.

**Notice: New Pretear website underway. Changing the URL (go to author's page to see it) because old one is inaccessible. Next update of mine will contain all the details. See you all soon.**


	4. Final Thought: Aisuru

KeyQuis: Yeah, I finally got around to finishing the epilogue to this story. Let me kick myself for being a slacker. I wrote like 80 percent of it back in February...I finally decided to complete it in June.

Disclaimer: 'Eternal Snow' is composed by and property of Changin'My Life w/ Myco. Translation taken from wwwDOTanimelyricsDOTcOm.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**Final Thought: Aisuru**

_Love. There are endless descriptions for it, all of them conveying the same meaning. _

What is love to a man?  
What is love to a woman?  
What is love to a person?

Love  
Speak to me in with words that I understand.  
Love  
Tell me where you hide so that I may find you.

Love  
Are you a myth?  
Do you exist?

Love  
The most beautiful word.  
Love  
The most desired dream.

Love.  
Why do you bleed with tears?  
Why do you smile with pain?

Love.  
Why are you here by my side?  
Why do you not fear the sorrow?  
Why are you so brave?  
Why are you so afraid?  
Why are you love?

Love.  
Show me the way to your heart.  
Show me the light in the dark.  
Show me all that you are.

So that I will know that you are love.  
So that I will know that you are me.

Let me become love.

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"He's gonna kill us, Mannen!" Hajime pleaded and tugged at Mannen's loose tshirt. "Don't do it."

"Aw, come on. It'll be fun." Mannen smirked. "It's our revenge because he stole Himeno onee-chan from us." He mustered up an ice lance in the air and took aim. "It'll be funny when we cut his hair."

"Whose hair?" The Sound Knight intruded just in time. "I don't think Hayate will be very happy if you do that."

Three knights hovered in the air, well above a sleeping couple. Sasame mischievously smiled at Mannen, who just frowned in return. His cutting projectile was still in his hand.

"Mannen. Himeno would not appreciate it if you cut, well brutally shear off in your case, Hayate's hair." Sasame disintegrated the ice lance with a sonic arrow. "How would you like it if someone cut off your hair while your were on a date with the one you love?"

Mannen flushed an angry face at the smooth talker. His young mind was empty of smart comments he could fire back at the love-wise man. Mannen gave Sasame a mean glare and stuck out his tongue before kicking him in the shins and flying off, leaving Hajime behind.

"My, my. He took it better than I thought." Sasame cringed as he knew a bruise would form. "There still plenty of time left for his frosty little face." He smiled at Hajime.

"Um..ahh...thank you," Hajime fumbled out, his cheeks a rosy pink from blushing.

"For what?"

"For stopping Mannen." Hajime cleared his throat. "I just thought it was wrong to ruin something beautiful." He pointed down to the ground. "They look so happy. And Hayate's smiling. And Himeno is so pretty today."

Sasame chuckled at Hajime's innocent remarks. "Hmm, you're right. I can guarantee that you'll find love sooner that Mannen."

"But I'm still so young." His blush deepened. "I...don't know what love is...I don't know how to find it."

"Silly. No one really knows what it is, but it's something we all know about."

Hajime just looked at him with the most confused pair of eyes a child could ever have. "I don't understand. How can we know about something if we don't know what it is?" He scratched his head, thinking hard for an answer.

"Well, not that we don't know what it is. It's just that it's something we'll never really understand."

If it was possible to be more confused than confused, Hajime was certainly showing it clearly.

"So...it's something we don't understand, but we know about?" Hajime pouted in confusion.

"Wait until you're a little older. Then you'll understand."

Hajime said nothing and accepted the ambiguous answer.

"They are love, Hajime." Sasame pointed to the couple lying in each others arms. Love is more of an being than a thing. It has human qualities, like happiness and sadness. One thing for sure is... it changes you for better or for worse."

"You mean, like Saihi?" the Water Knight asked.

"Yes. Including that time I betrayed you all." Sasame's voice trailed off in a sad tone.

"Oh man, then I want to change like Hayate. I mean, he's so much cooler now. He lets us eat all the treats we want and he even plays with Shin and me." Hajime confusion was replaced with excitement and determination. "I want to change for the better for sure."

"I'm sure you will." He patted the head of orange hair. "You'll become even cooler than Hayate."

"You think so?" His ocean eyes widened beyond the horizon.

Sasame nodded. "I think we should leave before they wake up. I'm sure Hayate will kill us for spying on him. Come, I'll treat you to a parfait."

"Sweet! Can Shin come too? He's playing with Mawata at the moment."

Sasame remembered his sins against the gentle and once-lonely girl. Her grief-stricken broken heart was mended by the joyous smiles of the young children, particularly Shin. He still held the guilt of hurting her, in a way words could not describe. He had not properly apologized to her yet either.

"How about it being between the both of us? I don't want to ruin Shin's playtime."

"Oh...but Shin won't mind if Mawata comes too." Hajime's eyes sparkled with innocence. "And Shin told me that Mawata isn't mad at you anymore so it'll be fine."

"Oh? Is that so..." Sasame looked a bit surprised. "Someday...just not today, okay?"

"Ah, okay then. But you gotta buy me two cups of parfaits."

"For what? You can eat that much?"

"Yep! Because I'm a growing boy."

Sasame ruffled Hajime's short hair. "Alright. Let's go."

------------------------- ------------------------

Himeno dragged her tired legs up the long flight of stairs and made her way to her room. It had been a harsh day at school. The teachers all decided it would be a good idea to give the students a classroom project to complete for the upcoming Cultural Week Festival and Himeno was stuck with most, if not all, the manual labor for her class. The guys figured it was pointless to carry loads of wood and whatnot if one girl could do the job of three _men._

"Stupid, lousy weaklings. They were all just flirting with the girls anyways. Make me lift everything, eh? I'll show them!" Himeno tossed her schoolbag on the ground and collapsed onto her bed. "Still, they didn't have to make me carry everything. A girl's got her limits too."

She roughly undid her small necktie, took off her school sweater and unbuttoned the top three buttons on her white blouse. She stretched out her arms before falling onto the soft sheets on her bed again. A small though plagued her mind.

_I wonder...if he'll ever walk me home from school? It'd be nice and sweet. _Himeno smiled. _And romantic. _

"Enough of that, I'm going to take a nap before eating a snack."

Himeno removed her socks and crawled under her blanket, not caring how sloppy she looked. It's not as if he was going to drop by to see how she was doing anyhow so why bother. Himeno sighed, wishing that he would. A girl could easily lose her confidence if the guy she liked didn't show her how much he cared or thought about her. Men, what troublesome creatures. Himeno planned to give him a piece of her mind the next time they met, with her fists doing the talking for her.

----------------- -----------------------

"Just what are you doing here? Don't you have somewhere else to be, Hayate?" Sasame placed his hands on his hips and scolded the idiot standing at the entrance of FM Awayuki.

"Eh, what do you mean? If you mean work, I took the day off," Hayate replied cluelessly. "You sound like you're accusing me of something I didn't do."

"I am. It's half past three. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at Himeno's school?" Sasame clued him in.

"Why would I be at her school? There's no demon larvae around to threaten her." Hayate's face grew a little concerned, his brows knitted closer. "Are you hiding something from me that I should know about?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Sasame shook his head in pity.

"Get what? I just came here for some advice!" Hayate stated in his defense. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course you did! You told me last night that you managed to confess your feelings to Himeno. You should be walking her home from school to prove to her that you want to be with her. Do it as a nice gesture to prove that you're a gentleman." Sasame sighed. "You couldn't even think of that."

Hayate's cheeks shaded themselves a furious red. "How was I suppose to know? Besides, she's old enough to walk home by herself. What difference does it make? I practically work at where she lives. We can see each other whenever we want," Hayate quickly remarked. "It's not that big of a deal, Sasame."

"Oh...you really think that?" Sasame cocked a brow up. "You really think Himeno won't care if you walk her home or not? You really do need my advice. Tell me, did you even ask her out on a date yet?"

"No," Hayate flatly answered. "I wanted your advice on how I should ask her out...and what to do...you know...the stuff that I don't know enough about, but apparently you do."

"Gee, I feel honoured." Sasame smiled. "Do you want to go somewhere quiet to discuss matters because I'm starved and these matters are best discussed over food."

"Alright...anywhere, but Awayuki's Delights."

"Why?"

"Because I don't need Go to make fun of me as well."

"Fine, fine. By the way, it'll be your treat since I'm helping you out." Sasame jokingly smiled at him. "You must be desperate to come to me for advice?"

"Ah...shut up. I am desperate and I'm not afraid to admit it," Hayate growled. "Are you going to help me or make fun of me all day? I'll go to her father instead if that's the case."

"And have him beat me at my own game? I think not." Sasame grinned, "Don't worry. There really isn't anything to it. Asking her out will be a cinch for you."

Hayate didn't quite believe the words of his fellow comrade. Anything that had to deal with love couldn't be a cinch. Sasame's sarcastic tone didn't make him feel any better about his situation.

Hayate cowered out for a whole week. It took him a whole week to gather his courage to see her again.

---------------- ----------------------------------

Boy was Himeno pissed off. What kind of supreme jerk of the world was he? Not even a freaking hello since that day in the maze! Like his presence had vanished off the face of Leafeania in the blink of night. He didn't even show up for work! She had spent valuable homework time searching for his sorry-example-of-a-man on the Awayuki premise. Her father had no clue where he was either. Himeno screamed in fury as she smashed a 10 layered stack of cemented bricks. After not seeing him for a full week, she found herself using martial arts to release her anger and frustration she held against the wind knight.

"Take this, Hayate!" Himeno slammed down another karate chop, breaking another stack of bricks. Each brick represented his face that she so desired to hit until her fists hurt.

Yeah, it was painful. Her fists ached and swelled a light red. Hayate was really going to get a taste of pain if he ever had the guts to show himself to her ever again! Did that loser wimp out after his confession or something? A full week already passed since that fateful day in the rose maze. A full week without at least dropping by to see how his tuliphead was doing? Himeno clenched her fists tightly once more. What was Hayate thinking!

"That's it! It's over between us!" More debris scattered around her.

_Even though nothing ever started... it ended so fast._

"If you like me?... Why aren't you here to show me!" Himeno roared, her voice thundering throughout the forested area. "Hayate, you big fat ugly stupid idiot! I'm never talking to you ever again!"

Himeno inhaled deeply and released a few sobs of breath before regaining her fighter's stance. Before she realized it, tears started trickling down her cheek in small droplets.

_I hate you for hurting me like this. I don't want to like you anymore. I don't want a love like this. _

The orange noon sky was darkening into a dark blue. Himeno slumped up against a tree and watched the clouds change colours behind misty eyes. A nostalgic feeling overcame her. It was the same as one that started everything. She was a girl in love.

---------------- -------------------------

Love  
If it doesn't hurt, then it can't be true.

Love  
If it does hurt, then it can't be true.

Love  
It's suppose to hurt, but no always.

Love  
It doesn't give up without a fight.  
One that doesn't fight it, will never know its real strength.  
One that doesn't fight it, has never won it.

---------------- ------------------------

"I don't ever want to see your ugly face ever again! You're fired, Hayate!"

She threw a pillow at him with all her might. It exploded upon contact with his face, feathers blinding him.

"Hey, what's your problem! Why are you so angry at me?"

He blasted the accursed feathers away with the wind.

"And you even have the nerve to ask why? You really are insensitive, you little piece of leafe!"

Another pillow headed his way, only this time it was intercepted midway.

"Look! I'm sorry if tonight isn't a good time for me to visit. I just wanted to see you that's all! I'll leave then!"

He had no clue how serious the situation really was.

"See me! You didn't even come near me for the past bloody week! See me tonight for what? You can just go die!"

By now, she had lost control of her emotions and cursed him furiously in between her sobs. He lost patience and frustration moved his legs towards her.

"Why are you so angry at me? What did I do to make you so pissed off? Talk to me, Himeno!"

"I told you to go away!"

"No! Not until you tell me why you're so angry!"

He was so oblivious to the fact he had hurt her feelings. She just didn't care about her feelings of love for him; she was consumed by anger and disappointment.

"I was waiting for you! I was waiting for you to show up and be with me! I was waiting for you to ask me out on a date! I was waiting for you to...come back and tell me you love me. I wanted to see the one I love, but he never came. I couldn't even find you working! Where were you while I was waiting!"

Hayate experienced a first hand bashing from words spoken by an angry girl. It was only with words that he understood her more clearly. He was no mind reader. Guys seldom are...they just second guess themselves and hope it's right.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't say it loud enough to overcome her crying.

"I'm sorry, Himeno."

She didn't even give him the time of night.

"Himeno, I'm sorry!"

She lunged out of bed and began pounding his chest with her fists. He just let her be, guessing he deserved her beating.

"I was hurting...I waited...you said you loved me, but never came back. I thought you disappeared. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"I'm sorry. It's just that--"

"I felt so insecure!" Another loud thump hit him. "I was so worried! I was so scared!" Her hands clenched a fistful of fabric. "Damnit! Don't you know anything about love?"

Silence fell upon Hayate. As much as he knew that he loved her, he still didn't know what it meant to love her.

"I'm sorry, Himeno. I'll try harder."

"Stupid baka Hayate..."

Right now, Himeno felt her anger subdue and all she wanted to do was to cry in arms to show him how much pain she was in...and how he just needed to hug her until she forgave him. It was going to be a long night of clearing matters up.

---------------- -------------------------

Love's first step is hard to take. The ones after the first aren't any easier. Tripping, stumbling, stopping and falling flat on ones face or rear-end are frequent. Sometimes it's just bliss to be able to walk on its path.

------------------- ------------------------

The both of them had been gazing up into the clouds. It was just another day, another precious moment together. The both of them had been lying on the soft bed of grass in the outskirts of the Awayuki property, waiting for sun to set, for the light to become dark and for the stars to fill the night sky. Himeno had drifted asleep first before the sun even set. Hayate soon followed after seeing her smile while being cuddled next to him. They eventually woke up for a perfect night of stargazing.

And tomorrow morning, something was bound to make the couple argue with each other again. Their road had many rocks and holes, but at least they were willing to pick each other up see the beautiful scenery together again. Love was something made for two...they figured that much out.

_I'm falling in love with you, and which will come to pass?  
Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or  
Will you notice it  
Even though I've never said anything?_

_Like snow, but quietly  
It continues to pile up_

_Hold me tight if I think like this  
I didn't want to know  
What it was like to fall in love with someone  
I love you; my tears won't stop  
Therefore, I should be free of you_

_How long will I keep thinking of you?  
My sigh makes the window glass fog up_

_Now, a burning candle  
Can't melt my shaking heart anymore?_

_Hold me tight, strong enough to break me  
If we meet in a biting cold blizzard  
I won't feel cold, and  
I miss you everytime I think of you_  
_This scarf that I knit for you  
I'm holding it alone tonight_

_If there were an eternally falling snow  
This feeling I have for you, could I hide it?_

_Hold me tight if I think like this  
I didn't want to know  
What it was like to fall in love with someone  
I love you; my chest fills up  
I want to cry out to the winter sky  
I want to see you now_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Author's Notes: Aisuru means 'to love' romantically. I've heard this word numerous times, not knowing what it meant until I decided to look it up in my dictionary. Apparently, there's a more specific term for the love between a man and a woman, ren'aisuru. I decided to cut it short with just aisuru. If this chapt was strange, I blame it on my lack of skill and putting it off.

I hope this has been an interesting read. The poem in the beginning was inspired by a song called Love, written by Clamp in their manga Clover. Simple words go the longest way.

It feels good to just scream out your thoughts and feelings to those who don't understand in hopes they'll understand. Yelling at my lil bros for being sloths around the house every once in a while is good. So I suppose a girl yelling at her 'boyfriend' for being a #$&o feels even better (vent out all that anger o). Relationships are tricky two way things. Communication is important and yeah, I'm glad I'm not in any p. I just know saying 'I'm sorry' is vital...

I decided to end off with a song...and pulled out Eternal Snow from Full Moon wo Sagashite. The lyrics for Love Chronicle didn't quite fit the atmosphere.

Well, I once again explored the subject of love ( should I be sick of it yet?) and this ends It's Just Love. Onto the completion of other works now…Gundam Wing!


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